Knew Not.

These windows and curfews suffocated her… Her heart wanted to go further. Her feet wanted to dig in deeper. She wanted to live as no one has. Her aspiration to be happy burdened her. Probably….

Her passion she was aware of,

her actions show was in touch with,

but something inside felt repulsive.

Something inside wanted to come out.

But she knew not.

She knew something inside was confined.

 But she knew not. 

She felt she had been inspired to the core; she wanted to do more. She wanted to strengthen her talents and skills so no one can even dare to question them. She wanted to travel and experience like no one has. She wanted to feel the sand below her toes rumbling and grinding their own tale. She wanted to look over the ocean for the impossible and see the waves proving her myth. She wanted to soar above the clouds feeling free, unimpeded. She wanted to be a legend everyone will remember. Such was her spirit of life that every step towards it overwhelmed her with excitement.

Btu she was still miles away from that dream. She was still behind the bars of education and people at whole. The struggle of openness was what tired her. When she saw a person living the life, or having the talents she would love to showcase she couldn’t help but feel tempted. Feel impatient. To outgrow these building stages and reach that place of fantasy. To keep her skills up to date. She wanted it now. Right now, for all she knew there is always a possibility that there will be no tomorrow. And the feeling to go, just run away choked her. She felt shaken and couldn’t control her emotions.

But she knew not why it was so.

She stood on the balcony to see; the stars she once looked at and relieved of freedom, could not be seen. All that could be seen were the strong sturdy piles of cement refraining her from walking out on the conventions.. All she could feel was that, emptiness encompassed her. She was a failure, she felt. Not seized opportunities at the right time, not worked hard when she’s been told about her potential, always disappointed others and herself when given a task. She dreamed of doing incredible things. But she wasn’t working towards them. She was ashamed of herself. And this time It felt heavy, not insulting, unexpectedly heavy and emotional.

“Her head was spinning” said her tears,

“She felt distanced from herself” her confidence worried.

“She achieved nothing” the brain concluded.

“She knew not what she felt” her heart pondered and wept. She knew not why she couldn’t stop her tears. She was silent. Corner of the bed; she cried more, sobbed harder.  Her heart sighed as she rested her head on the wet pillow and her swollen red eyes shut themselves to keep the story within, hoping it would all be fine.

Dawn arrived with hopes of change; the Story got told.

But the story didn’t change. And time passed, but she still… Knew not.


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